so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
