ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
