think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
