that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
