i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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