I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
