Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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