The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize