She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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