I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
