how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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