we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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