I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry about my life...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
