"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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