I'm going to jail i love you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
