his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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