So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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