I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
