we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
