We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
