Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
