Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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