pop tarts are not kleenex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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