fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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