i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
