i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
