I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
