I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Shame - the story of my life.
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