No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
