the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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