My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
