I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
