i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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