Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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