Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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