I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
