Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
