Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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