you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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