a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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