pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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