im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
