I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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