Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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