Where did you get a picture of my penis
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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