Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
