Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
