The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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