Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
