Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
