She bit a glass in half.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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