yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
