Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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