He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
