i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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