Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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