I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
