Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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