Me too!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
