I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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