proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
