i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
