So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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