i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
