Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
