So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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